Why Don’t My Prayers Seem to Get Answered?

Prayer, regardless of the form it takes, is probably one of the biggest signs of religious belief. People pray to their god, regardless of who he, she or it is, in order to seek favor, blessings, healing or any of a host of other things. Many ancient, pagan religions prayed to their gods for rain, a good harvest, and other things involving getting nature to cooperate with their needs, as well as those gods not doing bad things to them. Prayer has always been seen as a way of entreating whatever god, so that the god would do what the person praying needed them to do.

Perhaps this is why many Christians approach prayer the same way, using it primarily as a way of asking God for things, rather than for the other purposes for which Jesus taught his disciples to pray. Yet the prayer of petition, asking for things, is the shortest part of the prayer outline or example that Jesus gave His disciples in the Lord’s prayer, as shown by the underlined part of the prayer below.

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. 10 Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. – Matthew 6:9b-13

It makes sense, from the context of those ancient religions, to focus on asking their gods to provide their needs. They basically served their gods, so that the gods would serve them. But that’s not what the Bible teaches about our God. He knows what we need, before we ask (Matthew 6:8) and that He “delights in the prosperity of His servants” (Psalm 35:27). With that in mind, it actually doesn’t make sense for us to spend all our prayer time asking for things. 

But if we don’t spend that time asking for things, what should we spend it on? According to the example of The Lord’s Prayer, quoted above, there are several key areas we should concentrate on:

  • Praise – There is more time devoted to praising God, than anything else included in the Lord’s Prayer, with the prayer both opening and closing in praise.
  • Intercession – Praying that God’s will be done here on earth. While He doesn’t actually need us to pray for His will to be done, praying in this way aligns us with His purpose. That draws us closer to Him and makes us better ambassadors for His kingdom, here on earth. At the same time, our declaration of God’s will being done does make an impact, since our words have power “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21a)
  • Forgiveness – Both asking God to forgive us for our debts (sins) and taking the time to forgive others for the wrongs that they have done against us are important and will work to set our spirits free from the burden of those sins. 
  • Protection from temptation and sin – We have an active enemy here in the world and we need God’s protection from him. God won’t lead us into temptation, as He is good; but he might allow Satan to test us, just as He did with Job. Praying for His protection is another way we put ourselves in alignment with His will in our lives. 

We must grow to understand that prayer is more about changing our minds, than changing God’s mind. God isn’t our servant and prayer isn’t a way to get Him to do what we want Him to. For that matter, many of the things that we ask God to do for us end up being against His will or what He knows is best for us. How can He possibly give us something we want, when He knows that it will ultimately do our spirit harm? Obviously, He can’t. Not only that, but He wouldn’t. 

Prayer – A Two-way Street

People say all the time that prayer is communicating with God. Yet isn’t communication a two-way street? When you sit down with someone, say over a cup of coffee, is it just to hear them give you a litany of complaints and requests? Is it not a better conversation when you get to speak too, knowing that they are actually listening to you? 

Such prayer, the two-way street kind, is one of our biggest tools in getting to know God, alongside the Bible. The Bible tells us about Him, in a myriad of different ways. But there are depths of understanding of the Bible, which don’t come to us just by reading it. Rather, they come to us by hearing God, or more specifically – His Holy Spirit, speak to our hearts. 

Part of prayer must be listening to God, not just speaking to Him. It is just as necessary, perhaps even more necessary, to set apart time for Him to speak to us, as it is for us to speak to Him. 

This is not to say that God is going to speak to us with an audible voice. That’s not how He speaks to us. Rather, as He did with the Prophet Elijah, He speaks to our hearts with a still, small voice (1 Kings 19:11-12). The key part here is understanding that He will always speak to the heart. When the enemy speaks to us, it is to our head and it is usually in the first person (They don’t love me). That’s quite different from the way that God speaks to our heart. He may not use words; but He gets His message through to us, nonetheless. 

But He can’t get any message to us, unless we are willing to get quiet enough and attentive enough to His voice, that we can hear Him. Prophets would get away from the people, even to the point of going out into the wilderness, just to hear God’s voice. Elijah was in a cave in the wilderness when God spoke to him in 1 Kings 19, that I just mentioned. Joseph, who wasn’t a prophet; but was chosen by God to act as Jesus’ father, had to hear from God in a dream, which makes me think that it was the only time that he was quiet enough to hear God’s message to him.

But while he thought about these things, behold, an angle of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying. “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. – Matthew 1:20

This was not the only time that God sent an angel to speak to Joseph in a dream, He did it two other times, in Matthew 2:13 and 2:19-20 as well. That wasn’t because that’s the only way that God speaks to people or even that dreams are a primary means that God uses to speak to people. It was probably more because that was what He had to do, to ensure that Joseph heard Him. While there are others whom God spoke to in dreams, He also spoke in other ways as well. 

God’s Sovereignty and Our Prayers

There has been some teaching in the Body of Christ, specifically from the Word of Faith movement, which tends towards seeing prayers offered up in faith as something that God is required to fulfill. This could be no further form the truth, as God is not required to do anything we ask of Him. 

We must keep in mind that God is God and we are not. That may sound a bit simplistic, but many people pray as if they think they are God and God is their servant. Nothing could be further from the truth. There are religions in the world which espouse the idea that they are gods; but this is contrary to the teaching of the Bible. There is only one true God, the creator of the universe. 

What this means is that God may not choose to answer our prayers or may choose to answer them in a manner that goes contrary to what we have asked. This is especially true when we ask for things which go contrary to what the Bible teaches. God will never answer any prayer that goes against His will, as stated in the Bible, so it is unreasonable for any of us to ask Him to do so.

But even when we ask in agreement with what the Bible states, there is no guarantee that God will do what we ask. There may be some very good reasons why God chooses not to answer our prayers. That’s especially true when God has allowed a situation in our lives, for the purpose of teaching us something. 

If we look at the story of Job, we find that God allowed Satan to attack Job, taking his family, his wealth and his health. More than that, God focuses Satan’s attention on Job (Job 1:8); so we could say that the whole thing was God’s idea in the first place. That’s a bit hard for us to understand, as we expect God to bless us, rather than take part in harm being done unto us. 

But what if God had some purpose that He wanted to accomplish in Job’s life, one that would not be accomplished unless Job went through a time of hardship? God couldn’t, or more properly wouldn’t, bring about that time of hardship Himself, as Jesus explained in John’s Gospel:

The thief (Satan) does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. – John 10:10

God knows Satan’s character is to kill, steal, and destroy. By focusing Satan’s attention on Job, God knew that Satan would do just that. But He didn’t want Job killed, so He limited what Satan was allowed to do (Job 1:12; 2:6). Satan attacked Job, as God knew he would, driving Job to the point of crying out to God. This ultimately led Job to the place God wanted, so that God could deal with him and change Job for the better, recognizing God for who He is and knowing Him, rather than just knowing about Him.

I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You. 6 Therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. – Job 42:5-6 (Job speaking to God)

There is no place in the book of Job where Job asks God to relieve his suffering. Had there been, it appears likely that God would not have done so, simply because He was trying to accomplish something in Job’s heart. Had He given in and done with Job would have asked, relieving Job’s suffering, that would not have been accomplished. God would have given up on His own will, to give Job what he asked for. That obviously couldn’t have happened. 

Things that Block Our Prayers

God may choose not to answer our prayers, as an act of His sovereignty; but there are also things that we do, which may block those prayers. God is not under any obligation to answer the prayers of those who do not live in accordance with His will, and that means all of His will, not just the parts that we choose. I have found seven different things which the Bible specifically says can block our prayers.

Any time that it appears as if our prayers are not being answered, we need to search our hearts, to see if one of these things are there, blocking the answer that we seek. 

1 – Sin in our lives 

But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear. – Isaiah 59:2

We cannot expect God to even listen to our prayers, while we are living in sin. This does not mean that we “accidentally sinned” and have forgotten to ask for forgiveness; it’s referring to a life of habitual sin. The only prayer that God will hear from such people is one of repentance. Anything else must come after that.

2 – Not obeying God’s instructions

One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination. – Proverbs 28:9

This may seem like a repetition of the first one; but there is some difference. God desires us to hear His commandments and obey them. That clearly includes those things that are included in His Law. But it can go further than that as well. There may be things that God has commanded us to do, individually, which we have not obeyed. While they might not be considered sin, they are still disobedient to God. 

The process of God accomplishing great things through our lives depends largely upon our obedience to Him in small things. I’m talking about things as small as giving up smoking or drinking, when God tells us to. If we don’t obey those small things, there is no way that we can expect Him to do the big things we need Him to do. 

3 – Ignoring the needs of the poor

Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be heard. – Proverbs 21:13

This one may surprise some people; but God cares about the poor. We are told this several times throughout the scriptures. When we ignore the needs of the poor, we are refusing to do God’s work, here on the earth. Should He reward us for that?

As children of God, we are to reflect His character. That includes seeking ways to meet the needs of others, blessing them on God’s behalf, as we represent Him to this world. Through that, we open the door for God to bless us even greater. But when we choose to ignore the needs of those others, we close that door.

4 – Mistreating your spouse

As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayer may not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:6-7

This is another one that might surprise some people; but it clearly states that men who don’t treat their wives with honor can expect their prayers to be hindered. While not as clear, the fact that verse six is connected to verse seven shows us that women can find their prayers hindered for not honoring their husbands as well. We must remember (both men and women) that our spouse is a gift from God and to mistreat them in any way, including verbally, is to insult God. How can we expect Him to answer our prayers, while we are doing that?

5 – If you haven’t forgiven

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses. – Mark 11:25-26

While this verse doesn’t actually say that God won’t answer our prayers if we don’t forgive, it does say that God will not forgive us, if we don’t forgive. Considering that forgiveness is a matter of prayer, it is clear, in context, that we need to forgive if we want God to hear our prayers. If there be any doubt, the verse before this speaks specifically about prayer, showing that these verses do also. 

6 – If your priorities are out of order; God isn’t first place in your life

Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their hearts, and put before them that which causes them to stumble into iniquity. Should I let Myself be inquired of at all by them? – Ezekiel 14:3

You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. – James 4:3

While these two verses speak of very different things, they really speak of the same one – that of something other than God being the priority in these people’s lives. With that being the case, should God answer their prayers? Why should God bless them in any way at all? His blessings, including answered prayer, are a reward for those who follow and obey Him; not something He is required to do, just because ungodly people ask him to.

7 – If you have doubt and unbelief

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. – James 1:4-5

Faith is always a requirement in anything we ask of God. Not the “faith in our faith” type of faith, but faith in Him, as the “rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6). It is necessary that we have the confidence that God will not only hear our prayer, but that He will answer it and answer it in the way that is best for our lives, even if it might not seem to us that it is best. God knows, better than we do, what is best for us.